Like any other person on the planet, I have good times in life and sometimes the whole world is against me. And although I can’t stand the advice in the spirit of self-help (in the form of quotes under photos in Instagram), I sometimes need to cheer up. In most cases, to get out of the swamp (and my brain’s partiality for science and math), I need to blow the nose of a logic bomb.
It will be a long article. If you found it in the Inbox and already think it’s garbage, just clean it up. If you’re reading this post in the browser window and see how slowly moving the scrollbar, because the end is far away, — close the tab and come back to stacks of chips and boards.
Are you still here? Nothing, all the excess will be eliminated by using points 1, 4 and 8.
Other welcome! It’s time to move on!
This guide works when life is crap. Someone wrote nasty things in the comments? Read this post. Someone demands to return money for a product you worked on for five years, and still find fault? Read the article. You were fired, you left the client? Read this post. Zombie Apocalypse? Well then, stocking up on food and weapons. And then read this post.
We hold their beliefs. We love to tell how broad our views, and themselves pick on other people for details. Barely crawling on the road, drivers (who add speed, is the road expanded to two lanes), seventeen-year-old yoga instructors (which are the first 45 minutes hour class talk about the meaning of life), the authors, inciting disputes on the Internet (like me), people who swear or clog up the tape in social networks…
Take for granted: no matter what you do, someone may be displeased. Will.
This does not mean that we should cease to do their business. Just don’t be surprised when someone tells that offended.
2. If someone hurt you, you noticed
Before you fall into despair due to the fact that someone dumped a bunch of dirt, you have to know that this man took the time and spent it to tell you my opinion. He you found, noticed and appreciated a product which you did. Yeah, he hates you. But you took his time because he spends a minute to tell you about their hatred.
Even if you do not respond (and you should), you win. He doesn’t want to know about you, but you’re already on his radar. And then if someone complains, it’s the maximum that can happen. Life goes on, Earth still spinning, someone got offended, and you become smarter.
More tragic scenario: someone is complaining about you publicly. It is also not so bad because people only pay attention to something that concerns them personally. Therefore, public sensors and Twitter feed will quickly forget about you.
We freaked out, thinking that we will hate. Especially when we do something for people and spread to the Internet. You should understand that while some people criticize you, silently download the rest of your work. Or even buy, that’s even cooler.
3. When you don’t notice is bad. But that’s the order of things
If no one is showing you hatred, so nobody cares about you. If the attention you need for confidence, sense of self-worth or scary to imagine, to earn money, you must understand that you are not getting it. The people that you yourself pay attention to was once in your place. They worked a lot, so the others started to listen to them.
And another thing: if nobody watches you, you are truly free.
Dance in your underwear. Write in the table itself. Swear like he just came back from the sale of obscene words. Find yourself. Not in the way what do the grown-up hippies, consuming pasta and meditating in the Ashram, and those that will help to separate important things from unimportant. Do something just because you felt like it. Lay the Foundation of confidence, which will come soon.
4. People will judge you no matter what you do. Because they love to condemn
Fear makes you worry about what other people think. The question of whether people judge you, not even worth it because they will be required. People like to pose as judges, and sentences are scary.
True story: I just got an invitation to the event, read it and immediately decided that it sucks. I even said aloud: “Fucking hippie!” I was called to a party to dance, eat organic local food, drink pink wine, take pictures with people who wear dreadlocks, are addicted to body art and are constantly hugging. Should others miss the party just because I will not go there? No. The party will be terrible, because I have a low opinion of a bunch of hippies? Yes, they spit on me. They’re going to drink your wine (perhaps from the bowls, which are themselves carved from wood, talking to fairies), all night dance and party.
So. It is not necessary to do what I do. Do as the hippies. Not literally, of course (although you never know), but you get my point.
Look at things from this angle: if you do something, or not do, you still one judge. Even if you’re scared and not do anything at all — a portion of the criticism you get. But if there is no difference, maybe it is something to do? Thus, even if you’ll criticize yourself, then at least will become easy to sleep at night (tired from the wine and dancing — in a figurative sense). And everyone else who tries to judge you, you can politely send the wood.
We care what others will say. But it is dangerous to appreciate someone else’s opinion above their own.
Decreasing the importance of the list should be:
- Your opinion about yourself.
- Someone’s opinion about you.
Between the first and second paragraph should be a huge distance.
5. Fortunately, conviction and respect are two different things
Conviction and respect is not the same thing. People may think that you’re an asshole, but appreciated. People can be completely disagree with you, but recognize your merits.
And Vice versa. You can consider decent and pleasant person, but never to respect. About pleasant people, they wipe their feet. Disgusting, but what to do. On the other hand, no one will wipe their feet on a man who commands respect.
6. You respect yourself and others will begin to respect you
In a world where everyone tries to hurt you and to judge, to respect yourself too damn hard. But it is necessary.
Find out first and foremost that you respect yourself and others will soon begin to do the same. This is because people behave like sheep in a herd. They see someone acting a certain way, and begin to repeat. As millions of lemmings and hamsters. Derek Sivers has said, speaking at TED, as one guy began to dance, and everything picked up its movement (or maybe he just drank pink wine). And if you respect yourself — loudly and proudly — there is a chance that the others will also become. And if not, you’ll have a whole bag of self-esteem, and it’s cool.
7. Self-esteem and self-confidence is very, very different concepts
Self-respect means to know exactly what you’re willing to do and what not ready. It’s your honor and dignity. This is the line that you draw to understand their place in life and appreciate what you’ve done.
Self-esteem does not give you extra privileges and rights. Slow down, dude!
Overconfidence is when you think something is worthy. You deserve the self-respect and adequate assessment of others. To achieve the rest, you need to inject. And even then, not everything works out as you want. Just a map is not formed.
Arrogance is the fastest way to lose respect. The world doesn’t revolve around you. You don’t deserve anything that does not work. We need to start small and to grow, to invest in development. You can’t just pick up and become famous or to make a buck on what you love to do. The world works in a different way, and I’m glad.
Ashton Kutcher was right when he said: “the Road to the good life — to work hard, be smart, attentive and generous. The only thing that can be below your dignity to work.”
Self-esteem does not mean that you deserve something or that you’re better than others. This does not mean that you can not afford to take risks (as we all do) and is not interested in the consequences of your actions.
8. The one who doesn’t respect you, you don’t need
So, you downloaded the self-esteem. And realized that self-confidence is a stuff. And some people still don’t want to respect you.
The best response to these people is this: while it doesn’t bother you, spit on them. They won’t support your work and will not help you to become better. Get rid of them as quickly and quietly as possible. Otherwise they are dead weight hanging on you and to prevent to move to victory.
While they do not harm, do not pay attention. People who don’t respect you, even close to impossible to fend for his life. It’s not your audience, not your pack, not your clients. They do not need.
9. You only need those who you respect and appreciate
If we exclude from life the trolls and assholes in the world there will be two categories of people: who about you know nothing, and who appreciate you. The first can be ignored until you need to gain the attention of the audience. Then you have to tell them about its existence.
The second is your people. The most important for you on the planet. They don’t just pay attention to you, they are interested in. They should be treated like members of the Royal family. Work for them, be generous with them and make sure they know how much you appreciate them.
10. Sure can even be shy people, introverts, and “not like everyone”
I’m a strange little nerd who is afraid of everything, hates crowds and loves being alone. I’m not a typical extrovert.
I have confidence in myself, and not because I’m selfish (OK, a little because of this), but because I’m trying to do something wrong and learn. I’ve spent my life studying how to do a couple of things (and still working on it). You too can gain confidence this way. For this to work and to learn.
To be sure, you don’t need to be loud. Sometimes the most confident people in the room can say just three sentences all evening. But when he speaks, everyone else shut up and listen.
To be sure, you don’t need to tell everyone how much you know. Confident people aware of their knowledge, and they don’t need to prove anything. They share their experience when appropriate or when asked. Do it to help yourself.
A confident man is not one who jumps around the stage, shouting platitudes and waving his arms. Put 100500 million dollars that he just doesn’t feel confidence. A confident person can be quiet, reserved and knowing when to slow down.
11. Don’t worry like end of the world tomorrow
Stress and emotions — your daily reality.
If you waste your nerves on everything and everyone, will soon be entirely without them, or, even worse, you will get into nervous debts. No time left, will grill him on trivia and unimportant people, circumstances will control your life and bury in the ground all the initiatives.
If too often pay attention to something unimportant, then it is a signal that your life is not okay. It is necessary to seek ideas and people who are worthy of your nerves.
Do not waste yourself on things that can not control, and people who don’t deserve it. For example, trolls. And a long queue at the cashier is not worth one nerve cells. Better meditate.
If you can hold your emotions and to make the stock, you will have something to respond when you really need it. Take care of your nerves! Hold your negative up to the moment when he would really need to splash out.
12. You can worry about important things
When something or someone really matters, you can spend a few nerve cells and strong expression. Pour out the emotions when needed, otherwise they are worthless and you turn into a cynic. There is only a very small group of people and ideas, for which I am willing to take the risk. And for them I am willing to spend the experience, because it made the stock like a squirrel for the winter.
13. Calm and apathy is not the same thing
Apathy is the indifference that you feel towards unimportant things. Peace of mind — the ability not to attach significance to things that is not deserved. It is necessary to ponder and it is to be understood.
Calm is a character trait similar to strength of will. Apathy — absence of feelings.
14. The greatness comes when you’re OK with stupidity
No one knows what to do.
Experts are thought leaders, who seem to have everything — you need to consider too many opinions to decide what will lead to success and what is not. And the whole difference between successful people and losers is that the first was doing God knows what and continued to do until some of it didn’t work. And then wrote a bestseller about how they have achieved success, as if they all the time know what they were doing. And become more steep. This cycle.
To do something new and unknown is always scary. And no one can guarantee results. You need to get up, catch up and take a step. Sometimes it works to move forward. And sometimes the laces get tangled and you fall face down.
The most successful people are not afraid to look silly when trying to do something. They think about what will work, not about other people’s thoughts to your account.
I even found (to the disappointment of his wife) that I like make a fool of myself in front of an audience. Tell a little-known fact: the “losers” get more enjoyment from life, because I know when to worry and when to sneeze on other people’s opinions, having fun, drinking his rose wine and dancing with a live (or as I, in the aisles at the supermarket).
15. We are all weird, abnormal, different
And you, too. Use this as an advantage. The only way to stand out — to be strange, abnormal themselves. Otherwise you’ll blend in.
Understand what makes you different from others, even if it’s hard to do. All the people whom you admire and with whom take an example, do so. They all took their features and use them as advantages.
No one achieved fame and success, just being the same as all.
And those who seems normal, just pretending. Well, or you simply do not know them. Everyone has their own cockroaches. We are all cranks. So life is interesting.
16. Give up the limits of which are set by other people
If they say “don’t do this, it will not work” — understand that these words apply to them, not you. People have the best intentions, but their advice is based on personal experience, their choice and stuff.
Decide on your limits and recognize only them. Don’t want to answer phone calls and letter head, after 11 o’clock in the evening and on Saturdays? Well, do not answer.
The border is similar to self-esteem. Most people would be happy if you remained in the framework, because they invented them. Let them know that you this situation is not satisfied. From this you will be not an asshole, and a strong personality respected man.
Never let anyone set limits. Because it will be someone else’s setup, not yours, and you will have to go to someone on occasion.
17. Be honest with yourself. Know who you are and who you are not
When you buy your self-respect and create their own boundaries, learn about yourself a lot so you can determine who you are. But be honest in this matter. First with yourself, then with others.
To be honest much easier if you play the role you need. To be honest it is easier and ultimately more interesting.
18. You can be honest without harshness
Feel the difference between the situations: clearly Express your opinion about something or to behave like a sheep. If you someone or don’t like something, don’t be rude. Sometimes to be honest so just shut up and pass by. To become a great personality, don’t always have to win. Sometimes you need to give to others to feel like winners. Sometimes it’s better to be a nice person than to be right.
Honesty does not give you rights with impunity gab, ending the speech by saying: “Yes, I just wanted to tell you the truth!” No, you’re just rude. Don’t do that.
Boors don’t even like other louts. Will you be rude you will die alone, surrounded by 17 cats, of which there will be nobody to feed.
To understand when you’re honest, and when just rude, first think and then speak. Otherwise, instead of risking to issue a stream of curses. If I noticed this lack, do a five-second pause before starting the conversation. Pause works wonders.
19. The less you expect, the more successful you will become
The Bhagavad-Gita, Mahamudra and the old Hindu book, says: “We are worthy of the work, not the fruits of it.” A deep and true thought.
Don’t start a business because I want to get the reward. Start because I want to do. It’s like writing a book because I want to publish a bestseller. No one can guarantee you such a result. Writing a book is necessary because you want to write. With this approach, regardless of future developments, you will perform the task.
Focusyou attention on what you are doing, as if the result doesn’t matter.
All the items listed above, are worth nothing without your attention. Attention to others, to their nerves and, most importantly, to yourself. You’re the one responsible for my life, start to independently dispose of it.
So. Nineteen heavy, uplifting advice that will help you to win. Now stop reading selections on the Internet and get to work.